Suicide can be like an addiction. Jason didn't really want to die, often it was escaping to a world of trapped thinking and planning of a suicide that distracted him from his pain. Like a drug addict, the drugs are not a means to an end, it's the "high" and escape from reality that gives the addict reason to go back to it. Whatever the addiction is, the purpose is to replace an unhappy existence. However, the risk taken with these addictions, including suicide addiction, can cause unintended death due to accident or lack of judgment.
It was about a month following the sleeping pills incident when Jason was beginning to lose control of his thoughts again. The thoughts persisted and realizing where they could take him, he called the Crisis Response Team. Following their advice, I took him back to the psych ward for another couple days of observations and further adjustments to his medication.
The obsessive thought patterns continued for about three months and eventually grew to where Jason could endure them no longer. Bev was home when he intentionally injured himself and swallowed several days' supply of his medication. He was desperate and knew that cutting himself and swallowing the pills could land him back to the psych ward. Experience had taught him that this would often break the trance of uncontrollable suicidal thoughts. Jason knew of no other way to escape these dangerous thoughts.
He told Bev about the cutting and the pills and that the RCMP might be on their way to pick him up. He had called the Crisis Response Team but they asked the RCMP to check up on him because they weren't able to respond soon enough. The police came to the house and were pretty harsh with Bev and Jason. They yelled at Bev to get outside while the other one threw Jason to the floor, holding him down with one knee while handcuffing him. I know the police have a job to do and aggressive action in cases like this is often necessary but that didn't make it any less upsetting for Bev. Jason is quiet and very mild mannered and being thrown down to the floor and handcuffed would have been pretty traumatic to both of them. The police took him back to the psych ward and he was released the next day. Jason's desperate attempt to gain control of his mind worked. He was ok again.
Jason seemed to be getting more stable. He still lacked motivation and was experiencing the occasional round of suicidal thinking but he found them to be a bit more manageable. He was happy for short periods of time but the battle for his mind tended to be a full time job and very exhausting. He had been going out with a nice girl for a couple months and this helped him get his mind off himself. She was also struggling with depression and other disorders and they seemed to be good support for each other. Jason's private therapist warned us that if the relationship was a healthy one that she might want to end it. She explained that the experience of living in foster homes is often a negative one and a loving, healthy relationship could be a struggle for her. At first, we didn't know how to respond to this new relationship, knowing that it had the potential to hurt Jason deeply and set him up for serious trouble. We listened to our hearts and made a conscious decision to love her and support both of them in the relationship. We realized that listening to our mind or emotions would not have been appropriate, nor would it have changed anything. Jason's therapist proved to be right after a few months when she abruptly decided to end the relationship.
In March of this year, Jason found himself in trouble again with his dangerous thinking and he told his therapist that his newest "plan" was to buy a gun. She made him promise that he would tell me about it, and he did. Being open with me about his thinking gave him temporary release from the uncontrollable, trance like thoughts.
At about this same time, a friend mentioned a video he thought I should check out. The video is on YouTube, entitled, "Psychiatrists and Psychopathic Drugs". The documentary reveals facts about the psychiatric industry that must be shared to help the many people around us who are suffering from mental illness. It reports how the survival of this industry depends on the sale of drugs. The amount of work for a psychiatrist is directly linked to the dispensing of medication to his patients. The video also includes a number of interviews with families of teenagers and young adults who tell the story of their son or daughter feeling depressed and their doctor prescribing them with anti-depressants. They go on to share the shocking news that in a matter of only a few weeks, their son or daughter would commit suicide and be found dead by their families. Why? Because they were depressed and the medication didn't kick in soon enough? No! It was clear in every case that the prescribed medication was to blame for the acts of suicide. You can view this video in YouTube at the following link: http://video.google.ca/videoplay?docid=8652960977963341187#.
I am grateful that Jason could share his inner feelings with me. I am thankful for the times we spent together when he was a young boy, attending men's conferences out of town or going camping so that I could tell him about the birds and the bees, something he already knew all about but pretended it was all news to him. Another time, we set out to build a 2 storey treehouse. In my mind, the goal was to get it finished so the kids could have fun with it. So, I rushed getting it done instead of enjoying the moments we had together building it. What I'm saying is that even though I was a bit clumsy as a dad and made a lot of mistakes, it didn't matter. By spending time together, even if it seemed awkward at times, was a bonding for us that has proved critical at this time.
I would feel Jason's pain when he was hurting and I was unable and unwilling to "let go". I think God has already given us faith, strength and whatever we need in life, but we often don't know we have these gifts. When we find ourselves in a desperate situation, we reach deeper and discover that the strength needed is there. This song by Casting Crowns says it well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw
It was about a month following the sleeping pills incident when Jason was beginning to lose control of his thoughts again. The thoughts persisted and realizing where they could take him, he called the Crisis Response Team. Following their advice, I took him back to the psych ward for another couple days of observations and further adjustments to his medication.
The obsessive thought patterns continued for about three months and eventually grew to where Jason could endure them no longer. Bev was home when he intentionally injured himself and swallowed several days' supply of his medication. He was desperate and knew that cutting himself and swallowing the pills could land him back to the psych ward. Experience had taught him that this would often break the trance of uncontrollable suicidal thoughts. Jason knew of no other way to escape these dangerous thoughts.
He told Bev about the cutting and the pills and that the RCMP might be on their way to pick him up. He had called the Crisis Response Team but they asked the RCMP to check up on him because they weren't able to respond soon enough. The police came to the house and were pretty harsh with Bev and Jason. They yelled at Bev to get outside while the other one threw Jason to the floor, holding him down with one knee while handcuffing him. I know the police have a job to do and aggressive action in cases like this is often necessary but that didn't make it any less upsetting for Bev. Jason is quiet and very mild mannered and being thrown down to the floor and handcuffed would have been pretty traumatic to both of them. The police took him back to the psych ward and he was released the next day. Jason's desperate attempt to gain control of his mind worked. He was ok again.
Jason seemed to be getting more stable. He still lacked motivation and was experiencing the occasional round of suicidal thinking but he found them to be a bit more manageable. He was happy for short periods of time but the battle for his mind tended to be a full time job and very exhausting. He had been going out with a nice girl for a couple months and this helped him get his mind off himself. She was also struggling with depression and other disorders and they seemed to be good support for each other. Jason's private therapist warned us that if the relationship was a healthy one that she might want to end it. She explained that the experience of living in foster homes is often a negative one and a loving, healthy relationship could be a struggle for her. At first, we didn't know how to respond to this new relationship, knowing that it had the potential to hurt Jason deeply and set him up for serious trouble. We listened to our hearts and made a conscious decision to love her and support both of them in the relationship. We realized that listening to our mind or emotions would not have been appropriate, nor would it have changed anything. Jason's therapist proved to be right after a few months when she abruptly decided to end the relationship.
In March of this year, Jason found himself in trouble again with his dangerous thinking and he told his therapist that his newest "plan" was to buy a gun. She made him promise that he would tell me about it, and he did. Being open with me about his thinking gave him temporary release from the uncontrollable, trance like thoughts.
At about this same time, a friend mentioned a video he thought I should check out. The video is on YouTube, entitled, "Psychiatrists and Psychopathic Drugs". The documentary reveals facts about the psychiatric industry that must be shared to help the many people around us who are suffering from mental illness. It reports how the survival of this industry depends on the sale of drugs. The amount of work for a psychiatrist is directly linked to the dispensing of medication to his patients. The video also includes a number of interviews with families of teenagers and young adults who tell the story of their son or daughter feeling depressed and their doctor prescribing them with anti-depressants. They go on to share the shocking news that in a matter of only a few weeks, their son or daughter would commit suicide and be found dead by their families. Why? Because they were depressed and the medication didn't kick in soon enough? No! It was clear in every case that the prescribed medication was to blame for the acts of suicide. You can view this video in YouTube at the following link: http://video.google.ca/videoplay?docid=8652960977963341187#.
I am grateful that Jason could share his inner feelings with me. I am thankful for the times we spent together when he was a young boy, attending men's conferences out of town or going camping so that I could tell him about the birds and the bees, something he already knew all about but pretended it was all news to him. Another time, we set out to build a 2 storey treehouse. In my mind, the goal was to get it finished so the kids could have fun with it. So, I rushed getting it done instead of enjoying the moments we had together building it. What I'm saying is that even though I was a bit clumsy as a dad and made a lot of mistakes, it didn't matter. By spending time together, even if it seemed awkward at times, was a bonding for us that has proved critical at this time.
I would feel Jason's pain when he was hurting and I was unable and unwilling to "let go". I think God has already given us faith, strength and whatever we need in life, but we often don't know we have these gifts. When we find ourselves in a desperate situation, we reach deeper and discover that the strength needed is there. This song by Casting Crowns says it well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw
I'm so happy for you that you and Jason have such a special bond between you two.
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